Taare Zameen Par...

I watched TZP over the weekend on television. The experience this time was totally different as compared to what I felt when I watched in for the first time two years ago in theater.

The film is about a kid suffering from Dyslexia. The entire world including his parents fail to understand his illness and believe that the young boy is making excuses for not studying. The film showcases how our culture drives our young ones towards scorecard performance and how the weight of expectations haunts the next gen.

That time, I could co-relate to the protagonist Prof Nikumbh, played by Amir Khan, who finds out the boy's illness and then helps the boy overcome Dyslexia methodically. It made me feel a different kind of emotion where I felt the urge of helping out someone in need.

However, when I watched the movie last weekend, I could more relate to the parents of the young boy suffering from Dyslexia. I was almost in tears on more than one occasions during the movie. This emotionally weak side of me is usually subdued and thus, I was perplexed to see this side of me emerging frequently during the movie. Such vulnerability was not observed when I watched the movie two years ago. When I gave more thought to it, I realized that the difference was the fact that two years ago, my daughter was not born and I had not experienced parenthood. Now, when I watch this movie, the emotional outburst is from the new parent that lies within me.

I have always been emotionally attached to my family especially my wife but fatherhood is altogether a different emotion, a feeling at a different level.

I attempted, but realized that words can not describe this emotion!!

What's in a name?

When my daughter was born, my wife and I spent enormous amount of time deciding what should we name the little one. After a deliberation of 3-4 weeks and with kind suggestions (or should I say preferences) from close relatives, we concluded that her name would be 'Jui' - which means a flower.

It was just the other day, when the maid was busy in clean-up at our home and was uttering some stories about our neighbors. The maids are a great tool for social networking. You don't even need to sign-up to get the latest updates. A maid is like a walking news channel.

So, coming back to the story, the maid was uttering something which I typically ignore but somehow her reference to some numbers caught my attention. 303, 104, 406. Unconsciously, I started paying attention. She was mentioning that 201 was fighting with 301 and there was some trouble related to car parking area and 405 had punctured a tyre of the vehicle parked in his car park. It took me few minutes to figure out that with the numbers, she is actually referring to the apartment numbers. So, when 201 and 301 were fighting, it meant that Mrs Sharma and Mrs Kulkarni were at it. And 405 is same as Mr. Doshi.

I was amused at the simple nomenclature used by the maid. This naming convention has helped her reduce the complexity of remembering all the family names. With that, it struck me that when outside, the maid must be referring us as 303. So, when my daughter, Jui is playing, it would be referred as 303 is playing. When my wife goes out of town, the news channel would broadcast that 303 is out of town. So much effort we put in deciding name of our little one and here we are, re-learning the phrase - 'what's in a name?'

Terror attacks.. yet again

I don't want to add anything to what the Media has added (and repeated 100 times since yesterday) on the blast, the damage, political opinion and even what Bollywood actors think about this incident. I want to talk about how I feel after this incident.

I would have imagined, since I am 1000 miles away from from blast site and none of my close ones stay in Delhi, that the incident shouldn't really affect me apart from genuinely feeling sad about it. There were floods and natural calamities which our nation has faced before. Then I was really sad but somehow got on to my usual routine in a day or two.

But this incident seems different.

We can control the damage during natural calamities but there is no sure shot way to stop them. However, terror attacks are done on purpose and everyone in administration knows that there are more attacks to come, but nothing is being done. It seems that any tom, dick and harry can plan a terror attack and with almost certainty would be successful in carrying it out.

In Pakistan, there are terror attacks almost every other day and many lives are lost during these incidents. What must be a common Pakistani feeling? If we take out the frequency of incidents, is there any difference in our state and that of Pakistan?

The US faced a terror attack and they managed to beef up security and after 9/11, nothing close to a terror attack has taken place. The UK was rocked by London blasts, but now has recovered by taking concrete steps like installing CCVT cameras at every nook and corner of the city. When I was in London about a year ago, I was amazed at the level of the security that the state has managed to increase. Israel was once upon a time a target of such attack from extremist in Palestine and West bank - at least that was the case when I visited Israel in 2005. However, things are very different and in control now. So, what is it that we, the Indians, are waiting for?

It seems that our administration has lost the morality and have accepted that such things would keep happening. They have even devised a way to doze the anger that is surged after such incidents - ask NIA to investigate, lock up a few suspects, put a court case, involve CBI,.. ,.. ,.. Time flies by and the anger diminishes and nothing is done to avoid another such incident.

You know, what is the difference I am feeling this time round? It is the feeling of being helplessness !!

Dilbert - hats off to Scott

Why Dilbert is so popular? Because Scott manages to identify the core issues in corporate world and depict them using a few characters in a funny way. Almost everyone who is reading it feels that he/she is Dilbert and is being sucked up by the useless management and the equally useless colleagues. It is like someone is telling you what you are going through. One feels relief that someone understands what he is going through and at the same time laughs at the situation while looking at it from a third person's view.

I can relate to Dilbert almost 90% of the time. But, today, suddenly I realized that even my boss would think that he is the Dilbert and is being screwed by the management. Is this a never ending chain?

Traveling again

Although not as much as I used to do, I have started traveling again.... my few trips in last couple of months are:


1. A single day trip to Bahrain - Business Trip
This was the 5th time I visited Bahrain. The trip was a last minute plan and I was visiting a prospect customer to get more insight about the requirements and expectations from the vendors. As I have quite a few friends in Bahrain, I traveled a day earlier and spent some time with them. The meeting with the customer went very well and we are progressing in the deal. 


2. Weekend road trip to Diveagar - Family Outing
I was itching to take Xylo for a long ride but at the same time had to restrict the travel to the needs of the youngest one (my daughter) and the oldest one (my mother) in my family. So, we decided to visit Diveagar, a beach town 160 Kms away from Pune city. The outing turned out to be a great refreshment and we all had a ball. 


3. A week long trip to Delhi/Noida - Business Trip
A prospect customer was visiting our facility in Noida and I, along with other team members reached Delhi 3 days before the actual visit to ensure that everything for the D-day is planned. Right from food to seating arrangement to security clearances to contents of our presentation, everything was looked into. The visit was successful and customer was happy with what was presented. We are in next level of discussions with the customer and hopefully, we close the deal soon.


4. A single day trip to Mumbai - Business Trip
Some organization level initiatives were to be discussed and me and some other senior members were participate in these discussions. Well, you know how the board room discussions are, so I am not elaborating. But to be honest, there were lot of positive takeaways from this discussion. Many of the participating members met each other for the first time and everyone got a chance to express his/her own view and listen to other's views. 


5. Three day road tour to Solapur and nearby temples - Family Outing
Another itch satisfied. Again, my takeaway from the trip was a ride in Xylo and my family got a chance to visit famous temples near Solapur. We covered 800Kms in 3 days and managed to visit 4 temples. Overall a very nice trip.

A couple of years later

Wow, I haven't written to this blog for a good length of time. I thought I would never return to write here but there is an urge in me to keep posting my thoughts to this blog. Let me start all over again...

So, what happened in this couple of years.. well, many things happened...

1. I have became a proud father of a baby girl. She is already 1.5 years old and one of the main reasons I couldn't post anything to this blog. Suddenly, 24 hours were not enough to be with her. :)

2. We shifted from Hyderabad to Pune. Although I will miss Hyderabad, I think it is a change for good. We are now close to our relatives, now are staying in our own house, the office is 1 Km away from home and my wife has resumed her job. Can I ask for any more?

3. We sold our 8 year old Tata Indica and now we have a new Mahindra Xylo. That is quite an upgrade. It also means that we are touring a lot. The car has already clocked 9K Kms. I love the Xylo!

4. I am preparing too many presentations. This numbered list is a direct impact of this fact.

So, this post attempts to articulate all the things that happened in last two years. I guess this might be an implicit effect of me studying for GMAT last year. :)

My Intro to Fatherhood

It is hard to describe how I feel right now and it will be evident by end of this writeup !!

I was always fascinated by a phenomenon called touch. I still remember the touch of my mother's hand when I am not well. Without a spoken word, the touch communicated all the care and the emotions like an electric pulse running from one individual to the other.
Another feeling of a touch which I can not seem to forget is that of my girlfriend who is now my wife. Touch of her hands used to say what a million words couldn't. When I am feeling low, I rest my head on her lap and she caresses her hand through my hair. The touch makes me forget all my worries, takes me to a higher level of confidence and gives me a feeling that no matter what happens, she is there for me. This feeling of belonging is second to none.

For last few months, my wife was staying with her parents. She was pregnant and needed good care and we relied on her parents to provide that. For those few months, I was like a free bird, watching TV till 3AM, playing sports whenever wished for, doing things just for myself. I knew that things would change after birth of our child but I would have never expected that things would be so different.
Last week, my wife and I were blessed with a baby girl. We have not yet decided a name for her but we keep calling her 'baby'. When I first saw her in the cradle, I did not feel much different. I was very happy that both, my wife and the child are safe and healthy. I stayed at my in-laws place for a couple of days and I saw my daughter growing up older by two days and it changed me completely.
I used to think of myself as a sturdy guy who does not get emotional. But in two days, I do not know what connected me to my daughter that when I was leaving her, I felt like crying. This feeling of going away from something that was mine was new to me. In last two days, I had felt that I was connected emotionally to my daughter through the touch. I loved her so much that at time if you ask me - what is the toughest task, my reply would be - to find anything as beautiful as her. I have still not overcome the sadness that has engrossed my mind and I long to get back to her as soon as possible.

I guess this emotion of missing someone you know for two days and forgetting the rest of the world is what they call 'fatherhood' !!
(P.S. : You must have guessed how difficult it is to describer how I feel right now !)